Mothers and sons

Mina and Karan

Karan looks like his mother: he has her big frequent smile and her shiny eyes. He is positive, active, and speaks with confidence, like his mother. Both of them are friendly people and like to talk to people. Karan has no Inhibitions and he is ready for any activity!
When I stayed at their home, me and Mina slept on the terrace, and every night we chatted, played games, looked at photos, and watched videos.

Karan started going to a boarding school when he was in 6th standard. Now he is in 11th standard. I know him 2 years. I met his parents in the school, and this is my 4th visit to their home.

The interview takes place in the TV room. At the beginning only us, later came a neighbour and her daughter.

Question to Mina:

1. How do you call your son?

 ∞ Karan

2. Where did you give birth to him? How was the delivery?

 ∞ In a hospital, near my parents’ home (in a village). The delivery was nice, I was 2 days in pains (I guess she means labou). He came out at 05:00. I stayed at my parents’ home 9 month after the delivery. Karan started to walk there!

3. What was he like as a baby?

 ∞ Very nice! He played nicely, but he cried a lot… he ate well. He put a lot of pressure on me… he didn’t sleep at night, only at day…

4. What was he like as a 10-years-old boy?

 ∞ Very nice! He liked school. He used to play at home or in front of it. He didn’t go far away. He ate well. When he behaved badly, I pulled his ears, as a punishment…

5. What is your favourite place at home? Why?

 ∞ My favourite place is the TV room. There is TV here, light, fan… “time pass” (means: I can enjoy my free time here).

6. What is you your favourite food?

 ∞ Pav-Bhaji! (cooked vegetables dish, eaten with buns)

7. Does your son help you?

 ∞ Yes! He helps with cooking – bringing me ingredients and tools, he works on the farm, he helps with anything!

8. Does your son speak with you – tell you about his thoughts, problems, life in school…?

 ∞ Not a lot, only sometimes… When he runs out of money…

9. When your son is away – on which things related to him do you think?

 ∞ When we take sweets (Jilabi, chuwda) in the market and bring them home, then I miss him… on festivals like Diwali, Rang-panchmi (holi)…

10. Which future would you like for your son? Will he live in this house? Who will choose his wife? How many children will he have?

 ∞ I want him to be an Engineer, or a teacher, but he wants to join the police… I don’t like the police. I want him to be happy, relaxed, to do his duty (job). I hope he will have a job and not work on the farm. He can live anywhere… His wife – I will choose. Not him! (Karan is saying: my father will choose…). 2 children are enough.

Questions to Karan:

1. How do you call your mother?

 ∞ Aai (आई) (means: mother)

2. What was your mother like when you were 10 years old?

 ∞ She took care of me very much. She didn’t allow me to go outside our house. She used to beat me a lot… (laughing) with a cotton-plant stick. When I was in 6th standard, one day I climbed on a mango tree in my farm, I set on one of its branches and swung… (the branch was moving like a swinger). My mother saw it and came to beat me… she was afraid I will fall down…

3. What is your favourite place at home? Why?

 ∞ This room (the TV room)! He TV, fan, light and a bed. He we can enjoy…

4. What is your favourite food?

 ∞ Tomato chaatni. Both my mother and father make it, but my father makes it better!

5. Do you help your mother?

 ∞ Yes! In farm work, like picking cotton, picking turmeric, taking grains to the mill (for grinding) and bringing back flour, swiping the floor,

6. Do you speak with your mother – tell her about your thoughts, problems, life in school…?

 ∞ I tell her about things that happen in school, money issues, when I’m sick, when I need to go to take lunch (daily things).

7. When you are away from home – on which things related to your mother do you think?

 ∞ Now, in college, I go every day from my hostel to another hostel to take my lunch box. Then I think about my mother… because it’s a long way to walk… and at home I only need to sit down and eat… Before, in boarding-school, I used to think about her when the food was not tasty…

8. Which future would you like for yourself? Who will choose your wife?

 ∞ I want to be a good man, a helper man, to help others, and to be a good father. My father will choose my wife. We will live in this house, in the village, and we will have 2 children – one of our own and one that has no mother and father (means: we will adopt an orphan).

9. How is the relationship between your mother and father?

 ∞ Good. They work together, they speak with each other and joke. I hope to have similar relationship with my wife.

*****

Mina and Dnyaneshwar

Mina is a calm woman. She speaks softly. She walks and moves moderately. I think that Dnyaneshwar, her son, looks like his father, but he disagreed with me, when I said that… Yet, in his kindness, soft voice, and movements, he reminds of both his mother and father.

In their home – the family is small – mother, father, two sons. Dnyaneshwar once told me: in our home we sit and eat dinner together, every day. Their extended family is quite big, and they all live in the neighbouring homes. Mina’s kitchen is like a railway station… every few minutes someone comes or goes… her husband’s sisters come to help or chat, the young children come to play or eat or ask something for their parents… the ladies come to chat and drink tea… the men come to take something… their extended family is close-knit and supportive. I notice it also by Dnyaneshwar’s friendly behaviour to all of them, elder and younger, men and women.

Dnyaneshwar started going to a boarding school when he was in 7th standard. Now he is in 10th standard. I know him 2 years. This is my 2nd visit to their home.

The interview took place in their kitchen, while she is preparing food for dinner. Sitting around: her mother and one aunt. Later came her second son and her husband.

Question to Mina:

1. How do you call your son?

 ∞ Mauli

2. Where did you give birth to him? How was the delivery?

 ∞ In a hospital in Parbhani. I was 3 days there.

3. What was he like as a baby?

 ∞ He cried a lot, from morning till evening…

4. What was he like as a 10-years-old boy?

 ∞ He was naughty, he didn’t listen to me, he used to take a bath and go out for the whole morning… he liked school.

5. What is your favourite place at home? Why?

 ∞ My favourite place is god’s place (corner). It is beautiful and happy. Praying (taking puja) makes the day good!

6. What is you your favourite food?

 ∞ Bhakri (sorghum flat bread), Ghobi-Bhaji (cauliflower dish).

7. Does your son help you?

 ∞ Yes! He helps in the farm with cotton and soya-bean, he helps with house-hold works like bringing water and taking wheat grains to the flour-mill.

8. Does your son speak with you – tell you about his thoughts, problems, life in school…?

 ∞ Yes, he tells me about problems, what’s going on in gurukul, about the principal, his friends, things he wants.

9. When your son is away – on which things related to him do you think?

 ∞ I ask myself: is he eating? Is he sleeping? What is he doing? I miss him.

10. Which future would you like for your son?

 ∞ I hope he will get a nice job, and he will not waste his knowledge.

Questions to Dnyaneshwar:

1. How do you call your mother?

 ∞ Aai (आई) (means: mother)

2. What was your mother like when you were 10 years old?

 ∞ Oh! She was my god! She was everything to me!

3. What is your favourite place at home? Why?

 ∞ The kitchen - because we sit here together to eat.

4. What is your favourite food?

 ∞ Any food my mom makes.

5. Do you help your mother?

 ∞ I always help my mother - on the farm, in the kitchen, hanging washed clothes, bringing water.

6. Do you speak with your mother – tell her about your thoughts, problems, life in school…?

 ∞ Yes, I tell her problems, new things, what happens to me.

7. When you are away from home – on which things related to your mother do you think?

 ∞ When the food is not good - I miss my mother, when I'm angry - I miss my mother, when I'm bored - I miss my mother and father...

8. Which future would you like for yourself?

 ∞ I want to be a doctor; I will study hard and do service for the people.

9. How is the relationship between your mother and father?

 ∞ My mother and father's relation are the best in the world!

*****

Savitri and Mayuresh

Mayuresh and his mother are like brother and sister: the gossip together, watch movies, tell jokes. The sit and speak and speak and speak… it seems they have no secrets from each-other. He tells her his problems, and she tells him hers. He likes helping her with cooking, learning from her. He can make many sweets and festival dishes.
In all his childhood photos, Mayuresh looks serious. He hardly smiles at them. Today he is a very joyful person, and smiles a lot. He is sensitive and creates close relations with people he meets. He is very patient and interested in others.

Mayuresh started going to a boarding school when he was in 8th standard. Now he is in 12th standard. I know him 3 years. I met his father in school and visited his family many times.

The interview too place at their home, in the “common room”. Sitting around: Mayuresh’s young brother and sister.

Question to Savitri:

1. How do you call your son?

 ∞ Mayuresh

2. Where did you give birth to him? How was the delivery?

 ∞ At my parents’ home (in a village). My mother helped me. The delivery was painful and long, about 6 hours. I came to my parents’ home 3 month before the delivery and stayed there until Mayuresh was 2-month-old.

3. What was he like as a baby?

 ∞ Very cute! But he cried a lot, he didn’t smile much…

4. What was he like as a 10-years-old boy?

 ∞ He was weak… small, no strong muscles. He liked school and playing at home. He liked to eat Chapati with milk. He did not fight with his brother.

5. What is your favourite place at home? Why?

 ∞ My favourite place is the hall (“common room”), because there is fresh air there, it is cool and quiet.

6. What is you your favourite food?

 ∞ Mango! (amba)

7. Does your son help you?

 ∞ Yes! He brings water, helps with cooking, for example making “Halwa”.

8. Does your son speak with you – tell you about his thoughts, problems, life in school…?

 ∞ Yes, he tells me everything: about his school, problems, thoughts… when he is angry and happy… about his friends, boys and girls, about his teachers…

9. When your son is away – on which things related to him do you think?

 ∞ When I cook food he likes, I think about him. I miss him very much.

10. Which future would you like for your son? Will he live in this house? Who will choose his wife?

 ∞ Engineer. I want him to have a good future - I want him to listen to me and his father – when we will tell him something. He can live wherever he wants, but he should care about our problems. His wife he can choose by himself…

Questions to Mayuresh:

1. How do you call your mother?

 ∞ Mami (मामी)

2. What was your mother like when you were 10 years old?

 ∞ Nice, jokes al lot, very sweet. I remember that I used to play on the swing with my mother. We recorded a video there. I used to sing lullabies (babies “good night songs”) to my mother…

3. What is your favourite place at home? Why?

 ∞ The buffaloes shed – because I feel relaxed there. There are no noises there (only buffaloes’ noises…). I still like this place. Savitri says: when you were young, we used to sit there a lot… this is why you like it.

4. What is your favourite food?

 ∞ Capsicum-dish (ढब्बू मिरची)

5. Do you help your mother?

 ∞ Yes! When my mother has a lot of work, she does half and I do half. I help with cooking (examples making vegetables, papad), cleaning the house (but not clothes washing…), cleaning the gods, bringing water.

6. Do you speak with your mother – tell her about your thoughts, problems, life in school…?

 ∞ Yes, I tell hr about my friends – boys and girls, I tell about who I fight with, who I hit… I tell her when I am sad, when I am happy…

7. When you are away from home – on which things related to your mother do you think?

 ∞ I think about her so many times… When I eat – because my mom cooks good food for me, anything I ask… and in the hostel the food is not good like hers… When I go to sleep – because here (at home) my mother sleeps near me and we have fun before going to sleep…

8. Which future would you like for yourself?

 ∞ I want to be an engineer. I want to care about other people and my mother and father.

9. How is the relationship between your mother and father?

 ∞ Good! They love each other. I see that: they sit together, speak nicely, they hug…

*****

Savitri and Revati

Revati started going to a school in the near-by city when she was in 8th standard. Now she is in 9th standard. I know her 3 years, through her brothers (I wasn’t teaching at her school). I met her first when she came to visit her brothers in their school. Later I visited her and her family many times.

The interview too place at their home, in the “common room”. Sitting around: Revati’s two elder brothers.

Question to Savitri:

1. How do you call your daughter?

 ∞ Saumia

2. Where did you give birth to her? How was the delivery?

 ∞ At my parents’ home (in a village). My mother helped me. It was an easy delivery, it took 2 hours.

3. What was she like as a baby?

 ∞ Very cute, she was nothing but cute, a comfortable baby. She smiled a lot, she didn’t cry.

4. What was she like as a 10-years-old girl?

 ∞ She was good, the as she was as a baby… she ate well, she liked school. She used to play at home.

5. Does your daughter help you?

 ∞ Yes, she helps with everything… god-prayer (puja), washing clothes. Cooking Chapati, Amti (not Bkakri), wiping the floor.

6. Does your daughter speak with you – tell you about his thoughts, problems, life in school…?

 ∞ Yes, she tells me about her friends and teacher, who she fought with, secrets (that she doesn’t tell her father).

7. When your daughter is in school (in the nearest city) – on which things related to him do you think?

 ∞ How is her way on the bus? There are men and boys… is she managing? How are the teachers in her school?

8. Which future would you like for your daughter? When will she get married? Who will choose her husband?

 ∞ I want her to have a good home. Job – if she would like to. A teacher. She will marry at age of 22. Her father will choose her husband (but her brothers can choose by themselves…).

Questions to Revati:

1. How do you call your mother?

 ∞ Mami (मामी)

2. What was your mother like when you were 10 years old?

 ∞ My mother was thin and beautiful, very sweet…

3. What is your favourite place at home? Why?

 ∞ My favourite place at home is the bedroom, because here I rest, and there is no tension…

4. What is your favourite food?

 ∞ My favourite food is “Pav Bhaji”! (cooked vegetables dish, eaten with buns)

5. Do you help your mother?

 ∞ Yes, I help with cooking, washing clothes, washing dishes, cleaning the floor.

6. Do you speak with your mother – tell her about your thoughts, problems, life in school…?

 ∞ I tell everything to my mother… about my friends, about the children I fight with… all my personal things I tell her.

7. When you are away from home – on which things related to your mother do you think?

 ∞ At my lunch-break at school I think: is my mother eating now, or now…? What is she doing now?

8. Which future would you like for yourself?

 ∞ I want to be a teacher, it is my dream!

*****

Ananda and Rohan

Ananda is like her name: happy and laughing frequently! She is a very talkative woman, and very keen on telling stories, specially about her sons… I met Rohan when he was in 5th standard, and started going to a boarding school, away from his home. He was happy and shy… when I waved at him, he would hide away… The first time his mother visited him at that school, he cried and cried… so much… he cried when he saw her and cried after she left…

Rohan went to a boarding school when he was in 5th and 6th standards. This year he is in 7th standard and refused to go there. He likes staying with his mother… He can spend the whole day with her, sitting, talking, laughing, cooking, cleaning… I know him 2 years (though he was never my direct student). I met his parents in the school, and this is my 3th visit to their home.

The interview took place in their kitchen, while she is preparing food for dinner. And we are helping her, and we were all looking at their baby photos... Sitting around: Rohan’s elder brother, and the neighbours’ girls, who is practically a part of the family (she is also Rohan’s class-mate).

Question to Ananda:

1. How do you call your son?

 ∞ Pilu! (baby) and Dumya, Rohan, Ballya, Chikuli…

2. Where did you give birth to him? How was the delivery?

 ∞ In a hospital, near my mother’s home (village). I had an operation, they cut me with scissors… It took 2-2.5 hours, and I stayed 8 days there. At my mother’s home I stayed 3 months. When Rohan was 3-month-old – we came back to our village.

3. What was he like as a baby?

 ∞ He was fat! He didn’t cry.

4. What was he like as a 10-years-old boy?

 ∞ He went to school and played at home. He liked school. After school hours he used to sit at home and study. He liked to study. He didn’t go outside.

5. What is your favourite place at home? Why?

 ∞ My favourite place is god’s place, because I like praying (taking puja) and I like god!

6. What is you your favourite food?

 ∞ Bhakri, Bhaji, Poli, Chapati, Chutney… then she is choosing: green-chili-Chutney and Bhajri-Bhakri… with Dahi (curd), and lemon... [the boys are helping her…]

7. Does your son help you?

 ∞ Yes. He hangs washed clothes, today he wiped the floor, he takes prayer to god (Puja)… [Rohan is saying he doesn’t take prayer, so she is adding] sometimes… not every day… when I have a lot of work, he takes prayer. But every day he helps me: cutting vegetables, crushing peanuts, cooking…

8. Does your son speak with you – tell you about his thoughts, problems, life in school…?

 ∞ Yes, he tells me what happens in school, what happens with him... everything that happens he tells me. I know his friends (she is saying their names…).

9. When your son is away – on which things related to him do you think?

 ∞ I miss him very much. When he is at home, he helps me a lot, and when I am sick, he takes care of me: “take medication mami, drink water, get up, are you ok…? Take rest, I will do your work…”.

10. Which future would you like for your son? (When will he get married? Who will choose his wife?)

 ∞ Army! And helping father in our medical shop. And helping me when I will be old… He will get married 2-3 years after he will complete 4-years of medical course. His father will choose his wife, not him! [Rohan is jumping: mami’s choice!) He will get married at the same way we got married! No love marriage! No permission! I will kick him out of our home if he will do so… [laughing]. This is our Indian tradition; the parents decide for their children. My father chose my husband. I didn’t even see him before the wedding! Direct marriage!

Questions to Rohan:

1. How do you call your mother?

 ∞ Aai (आई) (means: mother)

2. What was your mother like when you were 10 years old? Tell a memory…

 ∞ Once I felt down and injured my finger, and I cried… My mother helped me…

3. What is your favourite place at home? Why?

 ∞ I like the bedroom; I like sleeping there…

4. What is your favourite food?

 ∞ Gulab Jamun! Wada Pav! Bhaje! Puri Bhaji! Gobi Manchurian! My mother makes Gulab Jamun and I help her…

5. Do you help your mother?

 ∞ Yes. I cook vegetables, I cut fruits.

6. Do you speak with your mother – tell her about your thoughts, problems, life in school…?

 ∞ I tell her everything... About things that happen in school, things that happen to me at home, if I’m fighting with someone…

7. When you are away from home – on which things related to your mother do you think?

 ∞ When I eat, when I sit alone… When I go to sleep, when I get up… every day I think about her!

8. Which future would you like for yourself? Will you live at home?

 ∞ My dream is to go to the army. I also want to work in a medical shop. And to be relaxed… I will live here, in this home. I’ll get married after I’ll get a job. I’ll have one child, it’s enough (his mother is also saying: one!).

*****

Jaysri and Anand

When Anand was in 5th standard he lived at his mother’s mother home, and went to school there. He started going to a boarding school when he was in 6th standard. Now he is in 10th standard. I know him 2 years. I met his parents in the school, and this is my 3th visit to their home.

The interview took place in the kitchen, while relaxing. Jaysri slowly organised the place. Anand’s younger brother, Manoj, was sitting along, listening and helping translating.

Question to Jaysri:

1. How do you call your son?

 ∞ Dada

2. Where did you give birth to him? How was the delivery?

 ∞ At my mother’s village, at home, not in a hospital. It was normal and took one hour and my mother helped me. I stayed there 4 months – 1 month before the delivery and 3 months after it.

3. What was he like as a baby?

 ∞ Nice! He looked nice (beautiful), he was small… He didn’t cry, he was very quiet. He slept very well at night. When he was 6-month-old he started eating almonds and cashews!

4. What was he like as a 10-years-old boy?

 ∞ He lived at my mother’s home. He was clever and quiet, he didn’t speak much. He liked school. After school he used to stay at home and watch TV.

5. What is your favourite place at home? Why?

 ∞ My favourite place is here, the kitchen. I like the kitchen – cooking, eating…

6. What is you your favourite food?

 ∞ Chapati, potato-dish

7. Does your son help you?

 ∞ Yes, Anand helps me. He cuts onions, brings me cooking-ingredients. Not every day, but he helps. He also brings water and helps with other works. When he was young, he used to make Chapatis! But not anymore… (I add: he works on the farm! She agrees with me).

8. Does your son speak with you – tell you about his thoughts, problems, life in school…?

 ∞ He tells me some things about his school – how is it, how is the food. I know his village friends (she is telling their names). Personal things he doesn’t tell me.

9. Not When your son is away – on which things related to him do you think?

 ∞ When I make a nice meal, when I cook “Bhaje” (fried vegetables dish) when I cook potato-dish and make chapati… then I miss him, because Anand likes these dishes very much!

10. Which future would you like for your son? Who will choose his wife? How many children will he have?

 ∞ I want him to be an IPS officer. He will get married after he will turn 30 (years-old), because first he needs to get a job and earn money. He will choose his wife.

Questions to Anand:

1. How do you call your mother?

 ∞ Mami (मामी)

2. What was your mother like when you were 10 years old?

 ∞ She worked a lot, helped others, took care of others… I thought that she is very good, the best in the world.

3. What is your favourite place at home? Why?

 ∞ Our sleeping room, because we sleep and rest there.

4. What is your favourite food?

 ∞ My favourite food is potato-dish and chapati (like his mother’s!).

5. Do you help your mother?

 ∞ Yes, I help, I cut vegetables, I bring water, I help on the farm doing some works.

6. Do you speak with your mother – tell her about your thoughts, problems, life in school…?

 ∞ When I speak with my mother, I tell her about experiences I had in school, and other things like games, trips… I don’t tell her when I’m sad…

7. When you are away from home (in boarding school) – on which things related to your mother do you think?

 ∞ Sometimes the food I eat is very tasty, on those times I think about my mother, because she also cooks tasty food… Sometimes I’m very bored and sad, so I think about my mother…

8. Which future would you like for yourself? Who will choose your wife?

 ∞ I want to be a doctor (medical doctor), this is my dream. I like to help others, to take care of others… I will live in this home. I will get married after I’ll get a job. I will choose my wife. I want to have 2 children.

*****

Chia and Onkar

Onkar and Chia have the same temper: relaxed and quiet, when they focus on something like cooking (Chia) or painting (Onkar), yet full of joy in the rest of the time. Both of them like music, singing and dancing. Both have a big laugh.

Chia is an energetic lady: she shepherds the goats, milks them, cooks, washes, pumps water, walks with the water-jars on her head. She sings, laughs, and speaks loudly, in rural-Marathi I can barely understand… In my second visit, after we became friends, she tasked me with house-hold works (apparently, I don’t know how to pump water…). She even offers me to marry a local man and stay in the village…! And she said I could marry a younger man…

*****

Minakshi and Ganesh

Ganesh has a good heart. He is generous and friendly like his mother. When I was a teacher in Ganesh’s boarding-school, Minakshi used to send me parcels. Small plastic bags filled with home-made sweets, and some candies, dry fruits, biscuits…

Ganesh has a good and strong relation with his mother. He helps her and sits with her daily. He likes cooking with her, learning from her.

*****

Archana and Sujal

Sujal has his mother’s smile and her temper: talkative, philosophic, observative. Both of them like to have deep conversations or chit-chats. The relation between them is strong and friendly. They sit together and talk, laugh, sing, watch movies… She told me once, that from her 3 children he is the closest to her.

Sujal likes the family’s goats. He goes out with them daily, watching them grazing around the farm. It’s a relaxed work. Sujal gets a lot of time to think, to be close to nature, to have a slow conversation with the neighbour. When they come back home, he calls his mother to put the goats into their shed.

*****

Archana and Prathamesh

*****

Savitri and Manjunath

*****

  Mina and Prem

In Marathi, “Prem” means love. And Prem loves his mother. He is sometimes rude to her, angry with her, doesn’t listen to her – but he loves her: he likes being close to her; he likes playing with her; when she goes out – he calls her.